a misunderstanding

i apologize for taking things too personally and often times not thinking about the words spoken before i get overly defensive and say the wrong things.  but this is just how my mind, the twisted unnatural mess that it is, works and relieves itself i suppose.  yep, that's it.. my mind taking a shit -- and it's a natural occurance for me.  so with that being said, along with my apologies and so forth, i hope you can take a moment to understand that it's not my intention to degrade you, hurt you, or make you feel bad -- my intentions are always great.  but shit happens.  especially with me, the girl who's mind can't cut off -- never at ease -- a constant turnover.  believe me, if i could make it stop i would.  i've tried, taken time and spent years trying -- it doesn't work.  it's just me.  love me, hate me, i'm me and i'm glad to be -- my sincerest apologies for thinking you were finally the one who could understand and deal with me.  you probably are, but this time consuming phase is heartbreaking to me.